December 2011
heathyr:
Goddamnit facebook, why won’t you let me tell people the truth
jonjwalker:
i was playing with my camera outside and i was zooming in and out and i accidently zoomed into my neighbors house and he was having sex mY EYES
2 tags
child predator: I have candy come in my van
me: no thanks
predator: I have wifi come in my van
me: ok
br4dy:
looking out my window and saw a woman got knocked out by flying fence hahahahahahhahahahahahuvgraygfuhvohntehfkn
3rd grade:
friend: *whispering* if you're stupid say "what"
me: what
friend: OH MAN
OH
OH DEAR FUCKING CHRIST
I GOT YOU SO GOOD, THAT WAS AWESOME
SWEET, SWEET DICKS IN MY MOUTH. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD. EVER.
JESUS. JESUS HELP ME.
agoodurl:
David Karp sat at his work computer, smiling ever so slightly. As he typed in the last bit of code to implement a post limit on Tumblr, his smile turned into a grin. That grin became a laugh, a devious laugh of joy and demented delight.
“Time to go outside for once, fuckers.”
mrstaylorwalshhelgenberger replied to your post:...
I got a Muse Jumper, a cobra starship jumper and a Panic! shirt
mrstaylorwalshhelgenberger replied to your post:...
Haha, yeah :’) I spent £35 on it, the fucker better come before school starts.
punkrockrevolution:
josh drinks up to forget that GOSSIP exists
Can my Cobra Starship jumper come now, or?
scunted:
im pretty sure i am the best at the internet from my whole school
mum: you think these bands have nice hair and fashion now but in 20 years you will look back at these photos and be like-
me: look children it's your father
mum: what
me: what
sleepthroughthealarm:
lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes except going to live shows and meeting her favourite band and the internet
“Did you ever think that in a past life Alec was an old woman with ninety cats...”
– Jace in City of Glass by Cassandra Clare (via couragethedapperblaine)
2 tags
shad0whunt3r:
“Alexander,” said Magnus coldly, and Clary met Simon’s eyes across the table. Hers were wide, green, and full of an expression that said Uh-oh. “You can’t be rude to everyone who talks to me.” Alec made a wide, sweeping gesture. “And why not? Cramping your style, am I? I mean, maybe you were hoping to flirt with werewolf boy here. He’s pretty attractive, if you like the...
raytoroisqueen:
they prefer to be called african american eyed peas thank you very much
“I would like to be friends with this person,” I say as I continue to not talk to them but instead like every single one of their posts.
dyinginaprocess:
My Chemical Romance...
Anonymous asked: u r gay ur bloq sux diz iznt zoe im not bord i hav a socil lif :--)
1 tag
mortalinstrumentsheadcannons:
16) Will once had a dream where Jem died. Will wasn’t able to look at him for a week.
Aw. Aw. Aw.
rhymeswithcircus:
patrick stump would tell a prostitute to follow her dreams or something instead of fucking her
My family when someone wakes up before anyone...
Me: Tips toes quietly through the house, trying not to make a sound.
Everyone else: Let me just stomp through out the house, slam a bunch a doors, and bang some pots together in the kitchen, I'm sure no one will mind.